Page - 101 - in JRFM - Journal Religion Film Media, Volume 07/01

“As i cannot write I put this down simply and freely” | 101www.jrfm.eu 2021, 7/1, 95–122 and there execute my design and that [25] design was that wilful design of selfdestruction On the other hand, she knows well that suicide is considered a capital sin, and thus a great offense to God her creator: not till now have I seen what a miserable condition I have brought myself into by my sins for now do I see myself lost and undone [28] for ever undone unless the Lord does take pity of me and help me out of this miserable condition But the only object I have now in view is that of approaching death I feel assured [29] that sooner or later I must die and oh but after death I must come to Judgment what can I do to be saved what can I do to be saved from the wrath of that God which my [30] sins have deserved which way can I turn oh whither must I flee to find the Lord wretch wretch that I am who shall deliver me from the body of this death that I have been [31] seeking what will become of me ah me me what will become of me when I come to die and kneel before the Lord my maker oh with what confidence can I approach the mercy [32] seat of God oh with what confidence can I approach it And with what words must I chuse to address the Lord my maker pardon mine iniquity pardon mine iniquity O Lord for [33] It is Great Oh how great is thy mercy oh thou most merciful Lord for thou knowest even the secret desires of me thine unworthy servant In her clouded inner dialogue, Elizabeth interprets her failure as a consequence of disobeying her parents. This motif appears from the beginning (line 7): had I taken my Fathers and Mothers advice I might have remained in peace until this day In line 25 Elizabeth describes a turning point in the swirl of negative thoughts that haunt her: But the Lord was pleased to stop me in this mad career for seeing the Bible lay upon the shelf I took it down and opened it and the firƨt [26] place that I found was the fourth Chapter of S. Luke were it tells us how our blessed Lord was tempted of Satan I read it and it seemed to give me ƨome relief Reading the Bible, in this case Luke 4:1–11, allows her a direct relationship with God. Elizabeth receives a divine message that enlightens her. Comparing