Page - 119 - in JRFM - Journal Religion Film Media, Volume 07/01

“As i cannot write I put this down simply and freely” | 119www.jrfm.eu 2021, 7/1, 95–122 16 Thou hast taken that life that I gave to you Depart from me ye cursed into everlasting Fire prepared for the Devil and his Angels For the impression it has made on my mind no tongue can 17 tell Depart from me ye cursed but let me never hear those words pro- nounced by the O Lord for surely I never felt such impressions of awe strik- ing cold upon my breast as I felt when Dr 18 W said so to me But oh with what horror would those words pierce my heart to hear them pronounced by an offended God But my views of things have been for some time very different 19 from what they were when I first came home I have seen and felt the van- ity of childhood and youth And above all I have felt the stings of a guilty Conscience for the great Disobedience 20 to my parents in not taking their advice wherewith the Lord has seen fit to visit me with this affliction but my affliction is a light affliction to what I have deserved but the Lord has 21 been very mercifull unto me for he has not cut me of in my sins but he has given me this space for repentance For blessed be God my frequent schemes for destroying myƨelf were all 22 most all defeated But oh the dreadful powerful force of temptation for being much better I went to stay with Mrs Welham she being gone out one day and left me alone soon after 23 she was gone I thought within myself surely I am one of the most misera- ble objects that ever the Lord let live surely never no one had such thoughts as me against the Lord and I arose 24 from my seat to go into the bedroom and as I was going I thought within myself ah me I will retire into the most remotest part of the wood and there execute my design and that 25 design was that wilful design of selfdestruction But the Lord was pleased to stop me in this mad career for seeing the Bible lay upon the shelf I took it down and opened it and the firƨt 26 place that I found was the fourth Chapter of S. Luke were it tells us how our blessed Lord was tempted of Satan I read it and it seemed to give me ƨome relief For now and not till 27 now have I been convinced of my lost and sinful state not till now have I seen what a miserable condition I have brought myself into by my sins for now do I see myself lost and undone 28 for ever undone unless the Lord does take pity of me and help me out of this miserable condition But the only object I have now in view is that of approaching death I feel assured