Seite - 39 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Psychosexual development in puberty 39 enjoy and nevertheless fears. She selects these (often recurring) images when she goes to bed. As Freud writes in his book Interpretation of Dreams (1900), various parts of the self are relegated to various personae in a dream, then altered, compromised, transformed into their opposite or into different people. All dreams are the result of unfulfillable wishes and longings. In a daydream, the daydreamer becomes a hero or desirable woman in a kind of try -out for life. Such daydreams are part of normal development, so long as they do not replace actual social relationships. However, when daydreaming leads to an increased social withdrawal, this indicates great fears that hinder the adolescent from forg- ing contact with her peer group. Children with family problems or violent parents tend to flee into a fantasized ersatz world. In Japan, the phenomenon of an ado- lescent’s total withdrawal has a name: “hikikomori” is the term for people who refuse to leave their parents’ house, shut themselves in their room and reduce their contact even with their family to a minimum. The length of this phase var- ies. Some close themselves in for as long as 15 years (or even longer). How many hikikomoris exist is difficult to identify, since many of them conceal this condi- tion from fear of stigmatization. Estimates range between 100,000 and 320,000 hikikomoris, above all young people. The main cause is considered to be the great pressure for achievement and conformity in school and society (Flasar 2014). Sexual fears can also be manifested in daydreams (as well as ordinary dreams). The central unconscious fears male adolescents have are to be enclosed in a dark place, caught in a trap or to lose one’s penis or mind. The fantasy of being chained by a strict mistress points to the sexualized helplessness of the infant, who is unable to escape without the help of an adult. Sex shops and advertisements of prostitutes illustrate this dimension of sexual fantasizing, where early pain is transformed through sex into pleasure, to then be lived out either in fantasy or reality. Girls fear the possibility of being broken into – a corporally violent threat that could harm their bodies. The sexual original fear of the destructive power of sex- ual union originates from early childhood fantasies, when the child perceives this original scene as an aggressive act: the small child interprets cries of pleasure and groans as threatening (Klein 1928). The fact that sexual love is dangerous and does not always turn out well is the basis for Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Already at the outset, the tone is set by feud, death and agents of separation. Here, the love story is a rebellious one, which cannot have a good end. A central question is: is there sex without death? – i.e., sexuality is something dangerous. In French, the orgasm is known as the “little death”. In primitive fantasies from early childhood, sexual intercourse is seen as something fatal – a violent sexual union turned against the child. The male adolescent’s attitude towards sexuality also depends upon whether feelings can be discussed in his particular family. Can they talk about love, jealousy, longing and competition, or are feelings taboo? Can the parents embody a positive example of a couple who treat each other lovingly