Seite - 66 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

66 Psychosexual development in puberty and interested in music, stars and films. She is intelligent enough to know that she is at the lower end of achievement among her classmates. She knows she is not like the other children – which she sometimes takes to mean she is noth- ing, and then hates herself. The abilities she does have do not seem to count for her, and this means she robs herself of the possibilities she actually would have. This constitutes a form of secondary deprivation – a terrible feeling. When Elfi observes her mother, she sees her as just as unhappy and finished. Is the image of her analyst one of a woman full of life, who lives out her sexuality, and also has the hope and trust that Elfi will be able to embark on a loving relationship to a man? The melancholy session described previously suggests grieving: if Elfi is able to grieve for what she cannot have, this shows that she has inner powers. Her permanent fatigue indicates a depressed state; she identifies with her mother. If she can remain in inner contact to me as someone who feels good about her, who trusts her to accomplish something, this makes her feel better. But this belief in her potency and power exists only during analysis. Can she internalize the image of her analyst? Can she develop these qualities in herself? In countertransference, it is important that the analyst not follow the impulse to avoid this psychic pain and desperation – not to console Elfi instead of accompa- nying her on her painful path of self -knowledge, but at the same time not to give up hope in the analytic work. When the analyst allows herself to be emotionally touched by Elfi’s desperation, take it up and put Elfi’s feelings into words, this is a bigger burden on the analyst than merely crying with her or consoling her. How important this shared experience was is demonstrated by develop- ments in the following weeks. Elfi is in a good mood, has a crush on a boy and arranges things so that he calls her up on her cell phone during one of our sessions. However, when he does this, she is so afraid that she immediately hangs up and hides her phone. In the following sessions, Elfi takes the initia- tive in cheerfully sharing her exhaustive knowledge of stars and singers. She shows me 100 photos of Justin Bieber in many poses she has downloaded from the internet. She begins cautiously to speak of her budding longing and interest in boys. In the following session, Elfi let me see behind her façade of the cheerful, stu- pid girl, allowing me to accompany her in her loneliness and deep desperation. She wanted to see if I would see the truth or – like her mother – console her away from her feelings and pacify her. In truth, this was a painful session, one moving to me too: it was not easy to retain my analytic attitude. (This session took place on a Friday.) Elfi: enters, inspecting me attentively, notices my red fingernails and my fresh hairdo. She asks me appreciatively: “How are you?” After a pause, she says, “As usual, you won’t answer that.” Analyst: You look at me closely and think things you don’t want to share with me. Elfi: (She takes the pad of paper out of her drawer and sits down at the table. For a long time, she inspects the name of the film she wrote there in larger letters: