Seite - 230 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

230 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits Chrisse: I looked at the white wall and saw bloodstains there from my hand. Then I looked again and knew it was a fantasy. Those are disturbances in my perception. A: When I let you wait – and already since Friday, this time – you are disap- pointed and irritated – then you see bloodstains from your hand on the white wall. When you look again and know that I will be with you right away, you recognize that it was a fantasy and you can take your medication. Does this happen often? Chrisse: Today at school, I looked at my thumbs and saw a burn. (she shows me the spot) When I look more closely, I don’t see anything. When you were talking last time about a third session, I was afraid of having a relapse. A: You are afraid you are crazy when you express your feelings through pictures. It is painful to talk about your symptoms with me. Chrisse: On Friday, we’re going to Dr. T (youth psychiatrist in the General Hos- pital), and I am curious what he will say about my dreams after the holidays. A: You think it is so long since you saw Dr. T., but also so long since our last session before the weekend, and then I wasn’t available. And then you were confused as to what my offer of a third session meant. Is it an indication that you might have a relapse? That is a real possibility. Chrisse: There are times I’d like to have a relapse. I think sometimes it’s all too much for me – school – over, over, over. No school anymore. I had a test in bookkeeping and I was one point under passing. I have a makeup test on Tuesday. Claudia, the girl I don’t like, got eleven out of eleven points and looked at us with triumph. Marlies had two points under. I almost wanted to make a joke out of it: “two points” – worse than me, but I didn’t say it. A: You’re saying to me that you stand all this pressure just barely, even though it’s very difficult. Then you gave up the idea. When did you exactly get the idea of going back to the hospital? Chrisse: After the fight with my mother on the weekend, when she was upset that I was sitting at the computer so much playing games, she yelled at me again. I wanted to get away, in the hospital or just away. A: The psychiatric ward is a kind of retreat, then, but “just away” means com- pletely away, away from life. Chrisse: I don’t think so, but for a moment I thought that “end” would be an escape. A: You are afraid that something fatal in you could seduce you to end your life. Chrisse: Claudia asked me if I only draw swords, only am interested in swords. A: You understood Claudia’s question to ask whether you are normal or crazy, different from the others. And you presumably understood my remark the same way. Chrisse: My French teacher was tactless. She asked me what grade I got last year in French. I answered that I hadn’t gotten a grade, and she asked what grades I got for the semester. I said I failed. Then she asked me why I hadn’t gotten a report card. I told her about my long absence, two to three months. She then