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242 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits experiences? Would she be allowed to fulfill her own wishes? Her birthday became a crystallizing point for these questions. Could she fulfill her great wish to have a party where she would be the central focus, where she could invite friends from various areas of her life? Could she stand in the center and give a speech? Did she have the confidence for this? Would her three sons want to celebrate her? Could she present her own family to all her friends, her sisters and parents? Would I accept her having such a beautiful party and even support her emotionally, or instead criticize her for it? Her experiences in analysis had a reconciliatory aspect. She had a sensual expe- rience on the couch that satisfied her longing, like a baby who finally experienced the body contact that had been withheld from her. While relating her problems with Justin, she realized she had brusquely demanded he go to school in spite of his fear. She was just as unable to be friendly to him as to herself. She reproached herself. She had the impression of bringing her mistakes and failures as a mother to analysis, yet I did not – as she expected – accuse and judge her like a prosecu- tor. She seemed to experience a new repertoire of behavior, reacting lovingly and with understanding. Sometimes, she could then also offer her sons help instead of criticism. In the sessions, I heard and acknowledged her inner, unrelentingly critical voice. Her criticism of herself and her sons gradually gave way to a more understanding attitude. Buoyed by her own goodwill and in spite of her fears, she was organizing a large birthday party for herself – carefully planning it with the support of her husband and a friend. The party was a great success, although she had been pessimistic about its outcome. All the friends she invited came, and the food was well -prepared, with only minor mishaps. She had prepared a speech. For the first time, she was able to publicly acknowledge her parents’ accomplishments without leaving the difficult areas unmentioned, but also without reproaching them. She also discussed her difficulties and actions on Vinzenz’s behalf, thanking her husband for bearing the responsibility with her. My husband then made a beautiful speech where he said how much he loved me, which greatly moved me. Then, to my great surprise, all three sons sang a song together with my husband using the refrain “applause, applause!” along with a new text written for me. I was overcome when all four men hugged me tight and kissed me. I was so proud! Then, my parents were asked which experience was the best they had had with me: my mother said it was my wedding, and my father – usually so strict and aloof – said in tears: this party. When we embraced, all three of us were moved to tears. Since she pressed my buzzer so lightly that it didn’t ring, I interpreted that she perhaps wished to punish herself because the party had been such a success and she would not grant herself such a success. The patient said how grateful she was since she could only have given such a party after her work in analysis.