Seite - 253 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 253 Anne was 16 when she turned to the Tavistock Clinic after numerous suicide attempts. She had fainted after inhaling noxious substances, had taken an over- dose of sleeping pills and cut herself substantially. These attempts were of varying seriousness – some were more symbolic gestures, whereas others led to protracted treatment in intensive care. When she entered a state of fear, she escaped by numb- ing herself with drugs or gas from a heating unit in order to forget her fear. Her social worker knew neither Anne’s nor her family’s name and felt burdened by her case, which she felt was a full -time job. Anne, a young woman of 16, was referred to us following multiple suicide attempts. These ranged from using lighter fuel and making herself uncon- scious, to overdoses, to cutting herself. These attempts were of varying severity – some seemed merely gestures while others, really put her life in danger requiring treatment in intensive care units. When any level of anxiety seemed to be mobilised in her, she would become agitated and want to run away to seek oblivion, either partially with drugs or gas, or to cross the line towards clear suicide attempts. She was an ‘anonymous’ girl, no -one knew her real name or had contact with her family and she was taken on as the responsibility of social services. Her social worker found her a tremendous burden, almost a full time job. Anne said she had run away from a family in which she had been sexually abused by her father who had threatened to kill himself if it ever came out. Anne was also sabotaging every kind of help she was offered and at this time, had been though our care, three or four social services homes, an adolescent unit and several foster placements. She seemed to find good experiences as disturbing as bad ones, for example, she was placed for a time with a foster mother who she said she really liked but still ran away suggesting that for her to be having loving feelings towards helpful figures stirred up emotions that she could not stand. (Anderson 1998, 76ff ) Discussion Anne’s behavior communicates her deep desperation, in that she elicits the same desperation in her therapists who wish to help her. By running away, she shows she has despaired of finding a fitting place on earth, a place where she could find peace or warmth. She could only stand intense feelings where they fell at the border between life and death. She could not ask for help or establish contact to her family: she was convinced that her father would kill himself if she told the therapists his name. As Anderson remarks: It was as though her loving feelings about her family and her sense of needing to be cared for were so mixed up with her hatred, her sense that this was a