Page - 10 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

10 The body ego observation – plus evaluation – of individual body parts can occupy considerable psychic space. Lari writes in her diary: I’m writing a list of whom I like the best right now (I feel like doing that right now); I Eva J. 1. LARI P. (ha, ha) II Caro M. III Babsi R. IV Sabine M. (Erhard 1998, 59. Note: Lari’s original grammar and layout are here reproduced.) She only enters her own name later, penciling in “(ha, ha)”. She is able to express her narcissistic wish to be the most beautiful ironically, assigning herself an Ara- bic numeral and the others Roman numerals. She evaluates her friends’ appear- ance and also her own. The particularities of girls’ friendships are discussed in more detail in Chapter 3 (“Development of Feeling”). Let us now examine an adolescent girl’s self -description as she experiences changes in her body. At the time of this interview, Katharina is almost 15 years old. To the question of how she feels about the changes in her body, including menstruation, she answers as follows: K: I am glad I don’t feel anything with menstruation. Some girls in my class have pain and even have to take medication for it, like my friends. Sometimes it seems stupid that I don’t feel it, I don’t know when it’s coming. I only see that my underwear is red; then it’s dirty, not hygienic and smells, too. I: And otherwise, with the other changes in your body? K: I only now grew underarm hair, first I grew a bust. My doctor said either the bust is first and then armpit and pubic hair, or the other way around. I liked it that way. I got my period when I was eleven and the others when they were twelve or thirteen. They complained about their underarm hair. My waist has changed, my hips are wider now – that’s when you look like a woman. I like that. I look in the mirror – my parents say it’s too much. I feel so insecure. Earlier I couldn’t have cared less how I look. Now I do my hair much more often and put on makeup. Right now I don’t have any makeup on. When I do sports I don’t care how I look. I: Are you satisfied with your body as it is now? K: On the whole, yes – I’m neither a top model nor am I ugly. I’m not really thin and not really fat – more or less normal. It doesn’t look good when you don’t have a feminine form. I’d like to be thinner, but food tastes so good. I don’t want to be unhappy, what can you do? I: What do you find NOT beautiful in your body? K: Basically, I think my feet aren’t good -looking.