Page - 33 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Psychosexual development in puberty 33 If, however, the girl chooses her mother as love object, she need not turn away from her, instead experiencing her as part of a love relationship – a feminine union – where men are rendered superfluous and excluded. The unconscious neg- ative feelings of rivalry vis -à -vis the mother are projected onto the masculine sex, to be battled in that arena. The resolution of the Oedipus conflict takes a similar course for both sexes, shaping impulses, fantasy, fears and defenses into a central pattern of conflict. This consists in the child’s painful recognition of his parents as a sexual couple, whose relationship fundamentally differs from their relationship to the child, thus creating a definitive break between generations. Even when the girl or boy fantasize themselves as sexual partner for one of their parents, the reality of this difference becomes ever more apparent. In the best case, this painful recogni- tion leads to the acceptance of the parents as a loving, creative sexual couple who can produce something new – the baby. Inherent in this recognition is also reconciliation and a turning away from inimical impulses against the rival par- ent. The child renounces its sexual desires and identifies itself with the parent of the same sex, now becoming part of a triadic relationship: father -mother -child. However, the girl or boy is still excluded from the parents’ sexual relationship. Only when the child grows up will it be able to enter into a sexual partnership with another person and have a baby; at this point, the child’s sexual identity – already founded at the age of 1 ½ – becomes solidly anchored. Only with the renunciation of the all -powerful Oedipal wishes does the child accept a trian- gular relationship, with a “triangular space” (Britton 1998) opening within the child, who can now recognize that her parents are not only occupied with one another but can also think lovingly of their child. The internalization of a positive Oedipal couple lays the foundation of a child’s self -reflection and conscience: it now can take distance from its actions or feelings and reflect on itself, as his parents do on the child. The child, who was the object of its parents’ reflection and concern, now acquires in a stepwise fashion the competence of reflecting on himself. The child internalizes its parents’ values and forms a conscience, a mature “superego” (Freud emphasized paternal values above all, but maternal values were later recognized as equally important). If the child is unable to relin- quish his or her (positive or negative) Oedipal wishes, then she remains fixed at the according developmental stage. Melanie Klein and Hanna Segal have pointed out another consequence aris- ing when the child overcomes his Oedipal situation. The triangular inner space now allows the child to further develop his capacity to symbolize: he can now clearly differentiate between the symbol, what the symbol symbolizes and himself as a thinking person – a mental triangular relationship. “The triadic relationship between ego, symbol and object finds its correspondence in the triangular situ- ation where the child finds itself simultaneously linked and separated with his parents”, writes Weiss (2014, translation McQuade), describing this analogy. If the child instead mounts unconscious attacks on the parental couple, disturbances in symbol formation often result (Segal 1991).