Page - 42 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

42 Psychosexual development in puberty In his book Die Verteidigung der Kindheit (The Defense of Childhood) (2015, 54), Martin Walser writes of not speaking openly about masturbation, with the special quality (including guilt) this affords: Klara was never angry or hard or even strict. She was simply there, when something bad needed to be prevented: a fall, an injury, masturbation. You understand me, I hope? Now, his mother wished to say that if he had kept his masturbation within bounds from the beginning on, then he would have better nerves now – he’d sleep better, wouldn’t need his pills, and wouldn’t even know what a migraine is. But from the very beginning, they had con- veyed to him that masturbation was something bad. Damaging, ugly, evil. Although neither his father nor mother had ever spoken with him about it, he knew exactly how his father and mother thought about masturbation. And he would – he knew this – think until his dying day how his parents had con- veyed this to him without ever talking about it. . . . With other people, one could be tolerant. Only with yourself do you experience the course things took, plus the shame installed in you. That you’ve failed yet again. That the payback for this would come. At least until after his exam, he wanted to control himself. . . . And when he submitted, he knew that he would never pass the exam. His nerves! Someone who masturbates so uninhibitedly is a nervous wreck. (Walser 2015, 54, translation McQuade) Inner pressure towards self -control heightens sexual tension, and thus sexual pleasure. The inner battle between desire and self -control is steered by a cruel, intolerant superego. All the references to masturbation that were not explicit in the mother’s comments create a strong impression, making for shame and self -devaluation. However, if masturbation replaces actual social contact to other male and female adolescents, then this can indicate a psychic problem, with the masturbator then requiring help and encouragement towards forging real social contacts, how- ever painful or confusing. Free access to pornography, especially when sadistic, can elicit confusing feelings; it is better when adolescents discuss these practices together, “coping with” their wishes through discussion. In this phase of budding sexuality, adolescents have trouble accepting their parents’ sexuality; they tend to believe their parents are already “beyond” these questions and are sometimes shocked if their mother once again becomes preg- nant. Parents often underestimate their adolescent child’s emotional reaction to the inevitable prospect of renouncing them as their most important love object. An important part of the child’s self -image was bound to the fact of being his/her parents’ son or daughter. Accordingly, dethroning the parents often entails dimin- ished self -respect – the sensation of an empty abyss adolescents often describe. Adolescents are primarily interested in themselves during this period between childhood and adulthood, with the “self” at center stage.