Page - 67 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Psychosexual development in puberty 67 BREATHLESS. In the previous session, she told me about it in detail. The film is about a boy who sees the picture of a kidnapped two -year -old boy in the internet, and also sees another picture which shows how that boy would look today. This picture looks like a portrait of him. He finds out that he was in fact kidnapped from his parents as a boy, and when he tries to find them he learns that they are dead. In the following sessions, she was able to talk about her fantasy of being the child of other parents – parents who were cheerful and do things with one another.) After a bit, I say that she is looking at the title of the film for a long time and is remembering our discussion. Pensively, she asks how it would be if she lived somewhere else. Analyst: Perhaps you sometimes wonder what it would be like if you lived with me and my husband to see how we are with each other, what that would feel like. Elfi: Then I would be much older. (This refers to our age difference.) As she speaks, she writes the following words: “I don’t want to come here all my life.” After she stops speaking, she writes other words I am unable to read. When I ask what she is writing, she turns the pad to me so that I can read it: “For a long time, I haven’t wanted to come here – thank God I have my friends. NOTHING HELPS.” Analyst: (I read this aloud and she comments that it is written in “killer -letters”. I experience a strong countertransferential reaction, feel excluded, rejected, become irritated and sad.) When you give me that to read, you want to show me how it is to be unwanted. You don’t want to come to therapy but instead to my house, to see how I live. Elfi slowly writes on: I don’t want to have to come. Why? It doesn’t help and is a waste of time and money. If I don’t want to come, why do I have to? My friends don’t want me to come here. Analyst: You want me to understand how it is to feel unloved and a nuisance. Maybe you sometimes think how it is when a child feels unwanted by its parents. Elfi: (strong reaction, looks at me in surprise) How can you read my most secret thoughts? (Then she shakes her head.) After a short pause I continue: You are showing me how surprised you are that I recognize your most secret thoughts and understand you are asking yourself if you are an unwanted child. She nods musingly. Analyst: And then you are afraid how it would be when you wouldn’t come any- more and nobody would recognize that, and you ask yourself how you would survive without our sessions. In large letters, she writes: YOUR BIG CHANCE and asks me to spell it. Analyst: (I tell her she is expressing that our sessions are a big chance for her to understand more about herself, express her feelings and be understood.) You want to see whether I have hope for you that you can develop further and are capable of thinking.