Page - 81 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Psychosexual development in puberty 81 been an excellent student), this change is almost unbearable. Escalation follows swiftly. Here is an example of how H. manages to find an empathetic, transac- tional approach between the emotions of her colleagues and James’ emotional situation. From a Work Discussion transcript: When I enter the conference room at 12:45, they seem to have been waiting for me. My hand is still on the doorknob when one colleague who does not teach my students comes up to me and asks angrily: “Guess what Frost said to me today when I said he should take his feet off the table?” (Free hour during religion class.) “What did he say?” I ask, as expected of me. “He just said: What will you do if I don’t take them off? So I discussed it with him for five minutes until he finally took them off the table.” “He thinks he can do whatever he likes,” agrees a second teacher, “we haven’t had a student like that for a long time!” “Was James alone?” I ask K. “No, a whole group of your students was sitting around the table and laughed stupidly! Why should I have to talk about something so banal? What should we do really, when he won’t do what he’s told?” Her voice sounded irritated, her eyes were blazing as she addressed me. E. chimed in: “We aren’t a nut- house! Students like that shouldn’t be in our school.” I can feel irritation ris- ing in me; I feel on the defensive. Taking time, I choose my words carefully and try to gain distance from my emotions. I realize that I am taking up my colleagues’ anger, which thus is not truly my anger. I exhale slowly . . . if they spoke to James in the same tone of voice, I’m hardly surprised at his (or the class’) behavior, I note to myself. “Obviously, James is in the middle of puberty and like many others exhib- its obnoxious behavior. I will contact his mother right away and talk about his behavior . . . by the way, it is easier to withstand student behavior when you don’t take it personally. Adolescents in puberty are trying to test their limits, and they feel particularly strong in the group. If I remember correctly, it was just the same in our generation . . . but apart from these connections, I will call up Mrs. Frost right away.” I believe I see satisfied faces on both col- leagues and the school director. (H. then arranges a conversation for the following day with James’ mother.) Meantime, the outrage seems to have subsided somewhat, and since I can expect more consideration now, I say: “If we compare James’ behavior from a year ago and today, we can see quite a bit of progress: he attends class regularly, hasn’t missed any homework at all, and in his science subjects he can be judged without any difficulty. Besides this, he maintains regular con- tact to his fellow students, which was not the case a year ago. All in all, he has improved his standing; tomorrow I will discuss his provocative behavior with his mother.” Both the school director and one of my colleagues nod their heads at this statement.