Page - 82 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

82 Psychosexual development in puberty During the conversation with James’ mother, H. emphasizes the progress he has made, but also makes clear that he must stick to the rules – otherwise, the teachers reach their limit. James’ mother says that she has been very busy with building onto their house and had not seen to it that James attended therapy regularly, but now she would. Discussion H. often has to achieve a difficult balance: she must show James his limits and require him to follow the school rules, but at the same time promote understand- ing for his special situation in the other teachers. The way she has chosen is a wise double strategy: calling James’ mother up is an indirect demonstration that the school and James’ home are in cooperation (which is indeed the case, to a large extent). Her pointing out James’ great progress also constitutes an indirect praise of her colleagues, who have enabled James in this very progress. Her message is that their special efforts for James have not been in vain. Reminding them of their own adolescence might well have helped to create some distance and evoke memories of that turbulent time for them as well. Indeed, H. was able to make clear to James’ mother that he must respect limits, which he then proved able to do. When we observe his social situation, he moved from his outsider status in the back row to an integrated student confident enough to be impudent. This means his aggressions are no longer suppressed and threat- ening, but can be expressed in a milder form. He is also now able to engage in conflicts with his fellow students without becoming violent or timidly withdrawing. At 15, James begins to get interested in a girl, who visits him at home to study, since he is so good at explaining math. At the end of this last year of school (before he goes on to a technical high school), a climbing excursion is planned. At first, James does not wish to partici- pate. His stepfather Ch. then volunteers to accompany the class. This exchange was described by H.: “I would like to thank you for your help, Ch. You were indispensable. I’m not sure if I could have done it alone,” I said. He thanked me, with a shy smile. “What were your impressions from the climbing excursion?” I asked. Ch. took some time before he answered, and then said: “It was a completely new experience for me. Besides that, I was surprised at how the boys kept getting more and more into it. At first they hesitated – they didn’t hesitate to say they were spooked by the whole thing – and then within minutes they col- lected so much experience on how to move that they seemed like old hands at it. I was really surprised. It was a great experience for me.” “I’m glad,” I answered. “What was it like for you, James?” I asked him. His voice lively, he answered: “It was great! I was totally surprised that the time passed so quickly, I would have liked to take another round!” “Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough time. The five of you had a real expert in climbing with you. The others weren’t confident to make it up all the way,” I remarked.