Page - 95 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Development of feeling 95 Bed is a safe place for dreaming and daydreaming. During the daytime, Sebas- tian looks at cartoons, films or soap operas on TV or documentary programs such as In the Realm of Black Gold or Deep Sea – Tree Trouts in the Amazon. When he comes home, he leaves his clothes on the floor after he takes them off. After a few days, his mother advises him of the need to keep order. Reluctantly, he brings his dirty clothes to be washed. His love for Iris comes to a swift end. Since she lives in a small city and not in Vienna, she writes him a farewell text message after his first visit: the geographi- cal distance between them is too great, so she feels she should let him free. The unhappy Sebastian accepts this. It is important to understand that the dissolution of bonds with the parents and the approach of a relationship to another adolescent (an “emotional cathexis”, as Freud calls it) are connected with each other. When the adolescent boy’s admira- tion for his father – the great king, noble master and threatening rival – wanes, then more psychic space is freed for a new relationship. The beloved and admired father now becomes devalued in the adolescent’s eyes and becomes a target for mockery; if the father can bear this and “play along”, then their loving relation- ship can continue. The relationship between adolescents and parents is complicated by the fact that the adolescent does not consciously decide to behave childishly or be the rebellious teenager, but instead something in him – beyond his control, a biologi- cal trigger – causes him to behave that way. He is often himself surprised, feels guilty and overwhelmed. In adolescence, previously dependable patterns of how parents care for their children are no longer a given. Instead of gladly accepting the parents’ loving behavior, adolescents may treat them with denial or indifference, which can be very painful for the parents. Here is one example: The family of a 13 -year -old son and 15 -year -old daughter arrives home together at 21:00, after the parents have just picked up their children from sports camp. The mother makes cheese dumplings, and the father suggests making scrambled eggs, too. He gets the eggs, cuts tomatoes; the grandmother cuts fresh parsley from the garden. The father puts in six eggs and remarks that his son Sebastian loves this dish since he came back from his trip to the USA. The daughter sets the table – dressed in a tight t -shirt, long earrings, a mini -dress and an amusingly styled head scarf. The mother serves the cheese dumplings, and the daughter sits down, takes two pieces and begins eating. The mother sits down too and calls her son, who is presently listening to music on his earphones and playing with a big flashlight. Sebastian comes in, keeps his cap on and looks at them. The mother gives him a stern gaze, whereupon he takes his earphones off and hangs them around his neck. After a minute, the mother says: “Sebastian, you know you have to take your cap and headphones off at the table.” Slowly and leisurely, his face expressionless, he takes off his cap