Page - 97 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Development of feeling 97 shoot photos with their iPhones outside. They stay outside quite a while, laughing audibly, then returning and inspecting the photos with pleasure. In a melancholy tone of voice, the mother says that she is beginning a new phase of life at 45. Following her burst of freedom after passing her high school final exam, her time at university, her babies and building her career, she has attained everything. The father says that something new is constantly coming. In this example from Sebastian’s family, we see a mild form of mockery directed towards the father, in the context of this family’s norms. The parents make an effort to provide their children with a balance between limits and tolerance. But it is clearly painful for them to do something for their son only to have him reject it. This mute rejection, accompanied by a facial expression of revulsion, shat- ters the father’s expectations after he prepares one of Sebastian’s favorite foods. Parents require a high threshold of frustration for them to constantly accept such rejections. Adolescents tend to dismiss any and every comparison made between parents and the younger generation: whatever the parents did earlier is “uncool” and unworthy of comparison to new styles in clothing, etc. This criticism of parents and adults is founded upon an idealization and over- valuation of the adolescents’ own possibilities. This prioritizes innovation: every- thing can be rethought, and nothing should be taken for granted. A new perspective is born where everything is questioned. The long path to adulthood consists in notching back an all -or -nothing orientation, recognizing true limitations and mak- ing compromises. As one patient expressed it: “It is much more difficult to be king yourself” – and, accordingly, to take responsibility for a family and a “kingdom”. Less than an hour later, the parents are watching a report on TV about the tropical storm “Irma” in New York. Sebastian pushes himself between the parents, cuddling up to his mother, who has stretched out on a chaise lounge. When the parents want to change channels, Sebastian is allowed to use the remote control. This scene occurred ten years ago already, when he was only five – big enough to use the remote. All three enjoy reminiscing on their early closeness and harmony. Sebastian sits at the breakfast table. He has taken his mother’s iPhone and attempts to open various programs. His mother doesn’t want him to be constantly playing with her iPhone and changing things. She demands it back from him, but he pulls it away since he wants to exit the program he is in. Sebastian tries to do this in various ways, but he can’t manage it. His mother now becomes irritated. “Now you’ve changed it again and I won’t be able to get out of it. Don’t do it, I’ve told you so often, Sebastian.” Sebastian: “I can do it, I can do it.” (He tries various buttons, but it doesn’t work.) His father enters the situation and says: “Give it to me!” Sebastian: “No, I can do it.” (He attempts once again to press various buttons.) Father (holding out his hand): “Sebastian, give it to me!” Reluctantly, he hands his father the phone. While the father tries to get out of the program, Sebastian thinks of the solution: “Press on the off switch and the home button for a few seconds.” The father tries this three or four times, then he