Page - 99 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Development of feeling 99 to become physically ill than feel psychic pain (somatization), better to see the world, oneself and others in an extreme light (splitting into good and bad), better to take drugs, alcohol or other addictive substances in order to cloud the intellect. Another, less recognizable form of defense is “pseudo -adulthood”, where adult behaviors are exhibited but not integrated into the personality. Intellectualization constitutes another form of defense, described by Anna Freud (1992, 123), where inert knowledge is collected in order to avoid learning from experience. This reac- tion is often manifested in sublime but also sublimating philosophical discussions, or translation of love poems, in order for the adolescent not to have to reflect on her own feelings. What is the perspective of 14 -year -old Lucy? When asked when she was in love for the first time, she answers: I was twelve. I was together with a boy, kiss, kiss and hugs. Actually I had never had a real boyfriend yet. (While she speaks, she drops the wool she had into her hand into her tea, which spurts out of the glass.) There are boys in my class I text with, otherwise I have a telephone phobia. Doesn’t matter if I call up a hairdresser or a boy. I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing. Text messages are easier – or Facebook. I’m not a girl every boy would accept. I can’t say I’m in love with someone from seeing him once. I like guys with a sense of humor. It was nice with Jonathan. We got along great. We were both in love. He gave me compliments: “You’re the prettiest girl in school” – he’s ten days older than I am. Most boys ask girls: “You want to go with me?” For me that’s unnatural. Either it happens or it doesn’t. I didn’t know what I should do. He was my best girlfriend’s best friend. His friends wanted me to go with him. They told me: “You’re suited to Jonathan.” They think I’m supercool. It was very sad then. I didn’t say anything for a week. For a half a year, we didn’t talk to each other. He had heard it from another side and was insulted. I didn’t want to lose my best girlfriend. Only now did we explain to each other, we met just the two of us and went out to eat. We want to stay friends – I like him. Two weeks later: Now I’ve told my girlfriends I met with him. They were really angry at me, because I had almost decided to be his girlfriend. Were they jealous? Elisa- beth said: “Then he won’t want to even talk with me on the telephone”. Even though Jonathan and Elisabeth weren’t a couple, they broke up! He didn’t want her to influence me. I didn’t know what to do. I talked to my mother about it – just a short talk, not like this. What should I do when he’s so angry and disappointed? When we parted after the conversation we almost kissed – hugged – really, kissed hard – I could hear his heart beating.