Page - 100 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

100 Development of feeling In January, my heart was beating really fast. He changed schools. He wants to be a policeman. He is 5’10”, has a cool figure, looks like a blond Justin Bieber. That was it. I wanted to change schools. They’re so childish and act like children. The boys are fighting a lot. If I change schools, I won’t have any friends anymore. I’m not so good at finding friends, because I’m so shy. Discussion On the surface, nothing seems to have happened. Jonathan would like to go out with Lucy, she likes him too, but out of loyalty, she doesn’t want to risk ending her friendship with her girlfriend. All these questions and reflections have taken pos- session of Lucy – her thoughts repeatedly revolve around these questions. Uncon- sciously, her early rivalry with her mother is revived. “Who is the prettiest in the whole land?” asks the wicked stepmother in Snow White. But here it is Snow White – Lucy – who is happy to hear that she is the prettiest in the entire school. Perhaps it is not only joy but also a triumph over the other girls and, covertly, over her mother. Her dream that she would actually be a better wife to her father, would understand him and treat him better than her old mother, is also in play here. In this episode, Lucy renounces handsome Jonathan as she renounced her father. All the other girls are jealous of her – their envy is clearly visible. It is not enough that Lucy renounced Jonathan; even the fact that she considered not doing so is too much for them. But in truth, they cannot forgive Lucy the fact that he chose her and not them. When Lucy shares this dilemma with her mother, a psychoanalyst would understand this as a sign of trust, but it is also a way of telling her mother of her triumph. Presumably, Lucy’s discretion is not due only to loyalty, but also to her fear of becoming involved with a boy. From her further descriptions, it becomes clear how strongly she oscillates between happiness and desperation: When I lie in bed, I just sob. When my brother (two years younger) calls me names, then I cry out my heart. I need time to myself alone. It’s all too much for me. What can I do with my problems, fights with my girlfriends, people who aren’t perfect. I want to be alone then, I don’t want to spend the night with my girlfriend. I want time for myself alone. Once a month I cry, I cry, because I don’t want to die. Death makes me afraid. What happens after? Do you think about death too? Now for the last three months I haven’t cried. There’s almost something that bothers me. I try to always be cheerful. It’s good when you’ve had a cry. Life is here for death – it’s depressing. I don’t want to die. I’m afraid of it. Does it make sense to live? There are good arguments, you fall in love, have a happy feeling. If I die, then somebody else is born instead of me. I probably have 80 years to live – this thought makes me cheerful again. It makes a click and I know I have to enjoy my life.