Page - 102 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

102 Development of feeling A few months later – Lucy has now turned 15 – she relates: L: I don’t understand – I’m in love – it’s the point of my life. When I’m with him, I’m in another world. Everything that’s bad – it sounds like a movie – is gone. “When you’re here, I’m in another world – shut up, that’s so corny”. But it’s really that way – looking at him, he’s so beautiful . . . I: You’re getting to know yourself really for the first time? L: Yes, I’ve been confused recently, not in the negative sense, since on the one hand I forget so much. Some things that aren’t so important, for instance, Facebook. My parents want me to do my homework. Sometimes I don’t feel like it. Sometimes I have phases where I want to clean up my room. Why can’t it always be that way? I tell my mother when she’s criticizing me: “Mom, I also have no idea why it’s this way!” Dreams? Sometimes I think the day after that that was a cool dream or a night- mare. Sometimes I can remember them with a key word, sometimes I dream in another language. Sex fantasies? Hello, I’m 15 years old – in my dreams, I imagine what I would do – sometimes disgusting and scary. My world is turning around right now – before it was so peaceful and now it’s so turbulent. My parents can’t keep up with it, I’m getting used to that. Some- times I’m mega -fresh to them. Nico, the one I’m in love with – he could have his pick. I ask myself why he wants to be with me? Am I attractive? I must be, a little bit, otherwise Nico wouldn’t want to be with me. Sometimes I think, what are you doing here? He likes me, I think. Otherwise he wouldn’t say he doesn’t want to hurt me – in case we break up, which we both don’t want. It’s so nice right now. Last week, we actually saw each other every other day. This week not anymore. His parents are mega -cool. We already talked about sex. He wants it to come to us. I have to get to know him well enough to be able to trust him. I’ve known him for six months, but we can only talk openly since about four weeks ago. My life is cool now – everything has changed. I’m getting to know new people, his friends, they see us as a couple. My friends think he’s attractive and funny. Everything’s incredibly exciting, for instance, we saw each other the first on Sun- day and went out to eat. That was the first time we kissed. We talked about what it should be like in school. The next day, we kissed at school – everyone saw it. Everyone converged on us – since when are you a couple? Nobody noticed that we were already in love for so long. Somebody found a wallet, brought it back to the bakery. 600 Euros reward – that’s the same kind of luck I have with Nico. I don’t want to tell my friends, but keep it for myself – it’s my luck. During the daytime I also dream of him, of the beautiful moments we’ve experienced. My phone bill is 100 Euros, I’ve written so many text messages. My father was mega -upset. Because I was afraid of saying the wrong thing I couldn’t call him up. Text messages are easier. Now, we talk and talk on the phone.