Page - 107 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Development of feeling 107 their physical and psychic attraction to one another as well as the overwhelming feeling of intimacy. From the psychoanalytic view, we understand this as a strong recollection of the first amorous pair – Jan as baby and his mother. It is love, arousal and greed – the deep wish to completely possess the object of desire – so old and yet so new and unfamiliar to the adolescent. It is not clear to Jan whether Lari is also inspired by erotic arousal, intimacy and protection, or whether her kiss is an expression of attraction to him. It is doubly difficult to understand, since the adolescent does not yet understand him/herself, let alone the other person. And immediately, hope arises: maybe she will love me later; maybe I only have to give her time. In the last section of his diary entry, Jan tries to work through his experiences emotionally. It is surprising that other people do not notice when someone has just had a sensual experience. Jan philosophizes about basic human instincts and concludes with the insight that there is nothing more beautiful than love between man and woman. We can thus presume that Jan has gained a deep inner confi- dence through his parents’ love – confidence that he is lovable, that they are glad he exists. He can accept his disappointment, has no regrets, but instead sees the experience as an adventure, a new experience and a challenge. He hopes that next time is more than a soap bubble. Hoping that next time Lari will love him, he encourages himself to be brave as a loving mother or father would encourage their child, convincing them that they are OK as they are. In this special case, we have the opportunity to read how Lari describes the same scene from her perspective. During this period she has been writing almost daily in her diary. Many of her entries center on Alex, Jan’s friend. She fantasizes what it would be like to be together with him, dreaming of him and describing her intense feelings she has developed for him from afar. She writes about Jan’s attempt to get closer to her, something she experienced as an imposition – and yet she grows fonder of him each day. She has also heard through the grapevine that Jan is in love with her. She has told Jan she doesn’t want that kind of relationship with him, but in the end writes: “I don’t know what I should do.” December 18 Dear Diary! Yesterday it was really fun in the evening, but actually it was the shittiest (sorry) day of my life. In the beginning we were in Caffecino (punch!), that was fun (everyone was a little “wasted”). Later Jan and Leo came, without Alex. Toni, Tim and Jan started putting moves on me. I thought that was fun, but Jan was sad, and especially jealous. I began to talk to him about myself etc. Everything got so stupid again, I told him that Alex is “the one”. (Jan had already guessed this.) Afterwards he wanted to leave. But I followed him into the entryway and talked with him some more there. Then the hardest blow came for me. Jan told me: “Alex said he doesn’t like you all because you’re