Page - 132 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

132 The search for the self – identity In place of this integration and forming of a more or less constant character, he experiences an inner schism and feeling of being lost or lack of emotional connec- tion. Without having an emotional homeland, it is impossible to become liberated from this state. 5.2 The search for identity The adolescent questions of “Who am I? Who do I want to be or become” are necessary precursors to reorganizing the inner world. In his Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality (1905), Freud speaks of the double -sided nature of psycho- sexual development. There is a strong impetus to redefine oneself, looking for new ways of being, believing and belonging. The questions of “Who am I? Why am I alive?” constitute a discussion of real challenges on the conscious level, but on the unconscious level, the attendant feelings can express unconscious guilt for sexual desires, then eliciting an uncon- scious wish to be punished (see Anderson 2009). The same adolescent harbors contradictory desires – between the deepest desires and passions present from infancy and the “almost adult man”, who is relinquishing essential infantile wishes. There can often be a confusion between infantile feelings and adolescent sexuality, which can lead to disturbance and breakdown. Many fathers cannot emotionally “afford” to support their growing sons, thus becoming either frustrated or sinking into a deep depression. In a cer- tain sense, adolescence constitutes a kind of weaning, since an adolescent must give up fantasies of possessing the mother completely, just as moving out of the parental household signifies a loss of comfort and convenience. The unconscious bitterness of this loss is often reformulated into a reproach against the older gen- eration, who are allegedly delivering the son up to a bad world where the environ- ment is endangered and pensions are no longer secure because they have not taken enough interest. The younger generation then describes itself as disadvantaged, seeing its adult self like a neglected infant expelled from the marital bed. From the psychoanalytic perspective, these criticisms originate from the adolescent’s critical superego, attempting to avoid grief and the knowledge of all they are los- ing. The loss is then not experienced as individual grief, but projected onto the world. Only when it is possible to also see the good aspects of the adult world is an integration possible – an attitude that Melanie Klein (1944) calls the depressive position. There are also good things in the adult world, things the adolescent can aspire to, but a struggle is always involved. Every generation has problems, the generation of the grandfathers and grandmothers had to master two world wars, the parents the post -war reconstruction. The complex world contains both: oppo- nents and friends, loneliness and friendship; the human being is not alone. It is always a painful process to grow up and become an adult. Adolescents blame the older generation because that is easier than to grieve and bear the requisite psychic pain. Attaining a realistic view of a world that is both good and evil, a self that is both good and evil – the depressive position – is a painful process. Only when the