Page - 137 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

The search for the self – identity 137 And what should I do so that my fellow human beings won’t later begrudge me this behavior???? (Lari, quoted by Erhard 1998, 120) It is surprising how clearly the 17 -year -old Lari can express her worries and how she tries to figure out her inner situation and gain clarity. She can admit that she is thinking of her beloved father – disappeared into the divorce – when embracing Peter. At the exact point in time she should distance herself from her close rela- tionship to her father, he is absent due to the parents’ separation, no longer daily present in a common dwelling. She can characterize herself as a “papa -child”. She is even able to describe in words her need to be held as displaced from her father to Peter – presumably without ever having read any psychoanalytic theory. She can describe her own feelings and moods excellently, including the ambivalent ones. This capacity points to stable good inner objects that remain active in spite of such turbulence. Lari can reflect on herself, confide her thoughts to her diary and thus order them. As already seen with Katharina, Lari is able to make use of being alone in order to emerge from her dejection. A less internally stable adoles- cent might not be able to master this new situation, possibly exhibiting the kind of massive problems Elfi worked through in her psychoanalysis. Lari also is able to select idols with whose loneliness she identifies and who become role models. Lari has idols from the world of film and musicals: Oh God, I love Jimmy (James Dean). After I watched “East of Eden” yester- day, I rediscovered my love. I watched it alone. I watched my James – Mama and Jutta in the living room were watching something else. I can really iden- tify with him, as stupid as that sounds. I have the same problems: I am lonely, misunderstood and searching for independence, freedom and love. Normally I’m not easily moved, but yesterday I saw myself on the screen. I sat there sobbing and kept seeing myself in the place of Carl, for instance when Aaron was with his girlfriend in the ice house and they were getting it on while Carl sat above them and was sad because nobody loved him. It’s the same thing with me. But I can’t do anything about it. Maybe I’ll die young without ever having known love? Who knows? Today I already talked to James. I opened my heart to him and he said I shouldn’t give up. I should go on my path like he did, he said. Of course I spoke in English with James. Tomorrow I’ll talk to him again. I’ll use my 1000 schillings to buy a James Dean calendar and many pictures of him. (Lari, quoted in Erhard 1998, 81) With Lari, we can observe the healing power of play, daydreams and diary writ- ing. She withdraws to her room to watch TV. She has completely identified with her idol Jimmy in the role of Carl (for her, the actor is presumably interchangeable with his role). She too feels lonely and lost. The competitive situation between Carl and his brother Aaron – reminiscent of Cain and Abel – where Aaron is so