Page - 155 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 155 Presumably, the exploding firecracker in his pocket represents an unconscious self -destructive action. The separation from his mother and siblings, which he never mentions, his homesickness and loneliness in the home must have created a great inner tension – and in fact, the firecracker exploded. Although he was already in the home, his mother came to visit him at the hospital; we know little of these visits. B. has learned to conceal his feelings from himself and others. He was moved from home to home, since he became hard to handle. His second imprisonment constitutes a low point in his life; however, now his lifeline is pro- ceeding upwards, possibly also because of his anti -aggression training, where he has begun to reflect on himself and his situation in images and words and learn of other participants’ difficult situations. On his lifeline, he has written the word “Wile” (presumably the German word “Wille”, in English “will”): he has the will to remain in the positive area, even if he does not yet know quite how. Thoughts on the dynamics of his inner world Since we have little data on B.’s early childhood, we must depend on the few remarks he made to Frau Staudner -Moser in their interview if we wish to form hypotheses on his inner world. In the interview, B. described his sentencing as follows: It was a joke, the judgment . . . all in all, the verdict was right. Five months for two hammers (editor’s note: slang for blows with the fist). He only had one boil from it. But I wasn’t really violent, otherwise he would have looked different. B. attempts to be superior to the judge when he calls his judgment a “joke”. He attempts ironically to link the verdict of five months in prison with the two blows with the fist: he need not take the punishment seriously or feel his impotence. He would prefer to be the powerful one. In one session, the participants are asked to find an animal with which they feel similar. B. chooses the lion: “Of course, I like to lie around, and whoever tries to mess with me better watch out.” Presumably, with “lie around” he is referring to his unemployed state – he is not in contact with his feelings, but instead rein- terprets them. When B. consumes alcohol, he becomes very aggressive: “You’d better not eat cherries with me.” He hides his weakness, his exclusion from the working world behind the majestic calm of the lion, the king of beasts. In this way he transforms his helplessness into strength – he wants to be as strong as the lion, not the child who was abandoned early and also had to take care of his two younger siblings. In another exercise, he is asked to find one word for each letter in his name. Here, he shows his other, vulnerable side. He writes “brav” (good or obedient), “ehrlich” (honest), “normal” (normal) and “Ich bin ich” (I am myself ). All these words express either his positive character traits or those he aspires to. “They can say what they want about me, but I am honest,” he says. “I think I’m normal”,