Page - 156 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

156 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits he explains. And: “I am myself”, with an embarrassed smile. While writing, B. needed some time to find these words. Perhaps he is afraid to reveal something about himself through invoking the words. Questioned by a fellow participant as to whether he wants to be “good”, he answered brusquely, “No – why?” (Staudner -Moser 1997, 83). When he was a child, nobody seems to have rec- ognized his achievement of stepping in for his absent mother and taking care of his younger siblings – he was more than “good” and “honest”. His deep -lying resentment and rage towards his mother are suppressed, thus protecting her from his negative feelings, which break through at the smallest perceived provocation and are directed towards other boys. Perhaps he envies his peers who were able to grow up with their families instead of being sent to a home. When the group is formulating rules, B. writes “no smoking”, although he is a heavy smoker. As is to be expected, other participants attack him for this, but he sticks to his opinion, sitting back with crossed arms expressing his superiority (Staudner -Moser’s impression was that he was satisfied by the inherent contra- diction). Thus does he split off his desire to smoke, projecting it onto the other smoking participants. The trainer then takes up his suggestion and in fact prohibits smoking. Later in the exercise where the participants are told to recall an experience when they were victims of violence, B. has great difficulty drawing anything, expressing his insecurity by constantly asking the trainer whether his drawing is correct. His own drawing of his face expresses major inner tensions. B. uses the whole paper for his drawing. He uses very strong lines, drawing relatively crude faceless figures with precisely delineated bodies – some of them Figure 6.3 Violent scene drawn by B. (from Staudner -Moser 1997)