Page - 165 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 165 However, then R. realized he could take the wind out of S.’s sails if he also ordered a beer, assuming control over the situation. When he treated S. to a beer, he redefined the situation. R. is relieved he could take this step, but also notes that there is no guaran- tee he would behave this way “outside” in a similar situation. . . . After achieving all this, R. is satisfied with himself, smiling but also exhausted, and cannot concentrate during the other role -playing. (Staudner -Moser 1997, 102) R.’s exhaustion shows what an emotional strain this learning process is for him. It is important that he has found his own solution and that this solution is on a higher social level than a fistfight. R. has now mastered not only the situation but also his usurper by treating him to a beer – presumably a completely new problem- solving strategy for him. Much bravery, self -confidence and support from the group was required for R. to find his saving idea. Presumably, R. has hardly any role models for defusing a potential conflict using this kind of detached, sovereign attitude. His smile shows how satisfied he is with the solution. R. realizes that although he could find this solution in this particular protected space, there is no guarantee this will prove possible on the “outside”. In that same session, another exercise proves extremely difficult for R. The topic is closeness and distance. Two of the boys are asked to walk towards each other from a distance of four meters, slowly and without speaking, maintaining eye contact, and subsequently talk about their feelings. R. approaches another inmate from Gerasdorf (a juvenile prison in Austria), coming relatively close to him and explains this with the words: “I know him well, it’s not a problem for me. With him, for instance (he points to an inmate who is also a Serbian, but an outsider in the group), I wouldn’t even be able to walk towards him.” R. is asked to nevertheless try it with this other Serbian. However, he categorically refuses. He also quickly begins to question the sense of the exercise. (Staudner -Moser 1997, 103) R. has enormous problems with closeness and distance. He can come close to a familiar person whom he trusts. But he does not even start walking towards the other Serbian, refusing the entire exercise. What reason can we find behind this refusal? Presumably the partner in this role -playing reminds him of his own father, who is so disinterested in him. It is unclear whether the father has ever paid alimony for his son. We can assume that the physical proximity to this other prisoner activates his repressed hatred for his father, a hatred he prefers not to acknowledge. R’s regular, constructive participation in anti -aggression training seems to have enabled a change in his self -image. At the outset he saw himself as a “bunny”,