Page - 183 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 183 back then, I was pretty dreamy – or however you are at that age (she laughs) and it just made me – I don’t know. (Pankratz 1997, 54) Only after Sarah’s mother sent her to the gynecologist did she learn that she was expecting a baby. It is interesting that Sarah had not noticed any change in her body – or did not wish to. When she told her mother that she had tested “posi- tive”, her mother misunderstood this and believed she was not pregnant. “Thank God”, she exclaimed. Sarah then had to explain that a positive test meant that she was in fact expecting a baby. Since Sarah and her partner had unequivocally decided to have the baby, her mother “completely kept out of it, after remarking that she had a totally different view of the matter”. Sarah only later learned from her grandmother that her mother had cried when Sarah was picked up to deliver the baby. Sarah was surprised at this, since her mother otherwise did not show her feelings. Her boyfriend also “accepted” the news of Sarah’s pregnancy – “if it has to be – (she laughs) – that kind of thing.” There never seems to have been any danger of his abandoning her. The teachers and other students ignored her condition and did not speak of it, although Sarah believes that at her final exam her teachers gave her some extra leeway due to her pregnant condition. Her gym teacher practiced autogenous training with the students and promoted body consciousness through massage. Sarah sees that as a major support. In conversation, Sarah expresses strong opposition to abortion. Teenage life and pregnancy Sarah said she had a “total inner bond” with her child, and that her pregnancy made clear to her what is “going on” with her, that she “will now have a responsi- bility in the future”. Indeed, she immediately stopped smoking and altered her life “relatively quickly – towards more healthy food and so on.” She took her body seriously and managed to treat it well, taking care of herself for her baby’s sake. Sarah suffered under stress at school as well as mood swings. In particular, her supervisory teacher (a math teacher) irritated her with how he dealt with her. She continued her teenager life, going to concerts and parties. “I didn’t want to give up anything . . . back then I felt such a strong need to go out,” she said. She attempted to carry on with her life as it had been before pregnancy. “Knitting socks like some other pregnant mothers, that was out of the question,” she laughed. Even after the baby was born, she still “fulfilled my needs as a teenager even more . . . with parties, listening to loud music, dancing and so forth”. I think that was good, because if I had just stayed home, the ceiling would have just caved in on me – it was a good compromise. Now I’m different, and now I’d do it differently. (Pankratz 1997, 56)