Page - 186 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

186 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits out. She describes her upbringing as quite strict and very conservative, and says that she “really rebelled from the age of twelve, thirteen, fourteen”. Sexuality in Babsi’s family Sexuality seems to have hardly been discussed in Babsi’s family, since she says: “Yes, well, I didn’t hear so much at home, since nowadays you hear about it eve- rywhere, I mean at school and so forth . . . so, sex education, I knew everything, I’m not stupid” (she laughs) (Pankratz 1997, 75). Babsi describes herself as on top of things, not stupid – yet she makes no connection between her lack of birth control and sex education. Her first menstruation finds her unprepared: “I didn’t know what that is, you know. My slip had a totally weird color and my mother said: ‘Yes, now you’re a woman’ or something like that. Ooh, shit” (she laughs) (Pankratz 1997, 76). Babsi was shocked at the blood in her slip; she calls her mother’s reaction “relaxed”, but the mother did not actually help Babsi to cope with this shocking situation. There was no discussion between mother and daughter, no embrace of Babsi in order to celebrate becoming a woman, as some other girls experience. Contraception and child fantasies Well, the first time I went to a gynecologist . . . I wanted to get a prescription for the Pill . . . and then he wasn’t there that day, he had to go to help with a birth, I didn’t get the Pill, a month later I was back there pregnant – super! (Ibid) Indeed, Babsi did not take responsibility for her pregnancy but held the doctor responsible. Her message is: if he had made enough time for her, she would not have become pregnant. Her mainly negative attitude towards children is shown by her statements: I never wanted to have a child, I always said that putting a child in this shitty world is pure egoism, since you want a child for yourself. Because the poor child, I always thought, but now I’ve got one – and actually I would think the same thing now. (Ibid) Babsi viewed her and the world’s situation quite pessimistically. She was most discontented with the environment, speaking of the ozone hole and risk of skin cancer; she immediately went on to discuss marriage. “And I’m certainly not going to get married, I ain’t stupid.” She admits that although she earlier didn’t want to have some man be a “weight around her neck”, she became that very “chain” herself: “I totally loved him, somehow” and “didn’t want to lose him”. In place of the close relationship she wanted with Markus, the father of her baby,