Page - 189 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 189 father. Although Babsi knew she had not used birth control, she described her pregnancy to her parents as an “accident”. My father had a terrible time with it, he was brought up differently . . . well, my parents were totally cool, my mother was super, my father had half a heart attack (she laughs); my brother said I should on no account have the baby . . . that that would be bad for my future because I would ruin my youth. The men were all against it (she laughs), my mother was actually the only one who was loyal, I mean they all stood by me but really they were against it. (Pankratz 1997, 73) Babsi’s surprising revelation that she was pregnant seems to have gone off like a bomb – presumably this shock effect was part of her unconscious staging. In particular, her father was against her having the baby because he consid- ered a virgin bride to be a precondition for marriage, and almost “had a heart attack”. Babsi’s relationship to her father was particularly close: she never felt herself as a girl, but instead a boy, and wanted to become a veterinarian like her father. Her older brothers were also very much against her having the baby. Babsi explained that her oldest brother had a son with a woman who had renounced her rights and only saw the son once a month. The great tension and burden of Babsi’s decision is evident. Then she spoke about the child’s father, Markus: He didn’t know what he should do. He never said no – he always said some- thing like “I don’t know”. He didn’t want to do that to me with abortion and so on. He kept out of it more or less. (Ibid, 74) Markus didn’t react much in her presence, wishing to leave the decision up to her; however, Babsi heard of stormy discussions between Markus and his parents. His mother wanted them to “get an abortion, are you crazy, I always told you you have to use birth control”. His father said “you shouldn’t have an abortion, he would help us.” But in fact he did not help them. There were even physical fights between Markus and his father, “where blood flowed” when Markus’ father asked him to choose between him and the new baby. Markus decided for Babsi and the baby, and moved out. The experience of pregnancy and birth At the beginning of pregnancy, I always felt nauseated – but I liked the feeling of pregnancy, it’s really great. . . . During the whole pregnancy . . . I ate a huge amount, tons of Black Forest cake and pickles . . . and cans of mushrooms with mayonnaise. (Ibid, 69)