Page - 190 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

190 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits With evident enjoyment, Babsi tells of her eating habits during pregnancy and that she used pregnancy “totally as an excuse”. After she gave birth, she shed her weight increase of 30 or 35 pounds during pregnancy through diets and physical exercise. Babsi noticed her own psychic changes: she was no longer concealed behind the mask of the “hard Babsi” who could protect herself from anything, but instead became extremely sensitive: The feeling is really great, but then you get totally strange, I mean as a feel- ing . . . I mean, sensitive; I cried all night because of something or other or something in the news, I teared up or because of every little thing. . . . I was also quite unhappy for a time in pregnancy. (Ibid) Her expectations of Markus went unfulfilled – on the contrary, she had “a very difficult time with him”. Her ideas and dream of a beautiful pregnancy were also unfulfilled. She would have liked to go with Markus to the preparations for birth, as an external signal of their bond to one another. For him, the pregnancy was a “shock” that he “couldn’t fully wrap his head around”. He was “also one of those hard types with tattoos, long hair and leather pants”. When Babsi finished school and went out to work in order to get her maternity leave, she spent “lots of money on Markus, because he never had money”. Since she lived at home, her parents were paying for her room and board. She changed, since “I can’t live like this anymore . . . since I was pregnant and felt the baby, I mean, for God’s sake, there’s something alive there. I can’t go on living like I was” (Ibid, 78). From the outset, it was clear to Babsi that she wanted to keep the baby. She felt more feminine when she was pregnant, “just totally different.” Teenage life and pregnancy Babsi stopped going to school in her third month of pregnancy and began to work. Since she was now gone from the “scene” due to Markus, she “actually didn’t have any friends at all. . . . I’m sad about that, but it’s coming back slowly.” The changes in her were major: before, she had enjoyed shocking people. Now, she spent most of her time with Markus. I was actually only with him and was pretty dependent on him. I was totally – I clung to him so, I have a fear of separation. (Ibid, 75) Babsi mostly put Markus’ interests first: she went to the sauna with him, played computer games or accompanied him to the Danube Island to watch him play vol- leyball. “So, I did have to sacrifice a lot, and we never went out at night.” The time at home they spent listening to music and smoking pot, which did not please her