Page - 194 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

194 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits Claudia’s mother did not adequately prepare her for the significance of menstrua- tion, since she did not explain that she could now become pregnant. Contraception and child fantasies Actually, I always wanted to have a child. I played with the thought of what it would be like if I had a child and so on. Back then I always was thinking I wouldn’t be in my parents’ way anymore, and in school I would also have certain advantages (she laughs). But my pregnancy was not intentional. When I found out, I was really blown away that I was truly pregnant. (Ibid, 103) Tom and Claudia evaded answering direct questions as to birth control – because “until now, we actually haven’t told anyone”. Claudia only volunteered that “in any case, it wasn’t 100 percent”. Possibly, her wish for a child expressed itself in her inadequate birth control measures. Claudia’s life situation shortly before pregnancy Claudia told of her difficulties at school, which “got on my nerves”. In the subjects taught by their strict teacher responsible for supervising their class in general, she did not study or learn well. With her parents, she had “always fought, I mean intentionally” and had typical conflicts: “teenage things, tech things, going out, when you have to be home (she laughs)” and because of that she was “pretty exhausted”. Tom was the first person she could open up to and talk about herself, includ- ing all her stress at school and at home; he seemed like a safe harbor amidst her problems. He became her best friend, and soon they were “together”, i.e., intimate. When asked as to how long they had been together, Claudia consulted Tom. Laughing, they figured out that it had been half a year. “But with us, it wasn’t that, it wasn’t only half a year, it was somehow different. We knew from before that we would stay together.” Tom adds: “After three or four weeks I already knew that we would stay together or something like that.” Perhaps having a baby together was meant to dispel any fears that their relationship would not last. Through the baby, Claudia and Tom are bound together for life. In fact, they are married at the time of the interview and live with the baby in a small apartment – in spite of somewhat excruciating circumstances. Claudia says: I mean, otherwise I never got outside of myself. I never had anyone to tell things to . . . and he was just everything for me, I told him everything . . . there was also never any doubt that we wouldn’t stay together and that we would have children later or so forth.