Page - 195 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 195 Tom was Claudia’s first love, her first intense experience of deep trust and secu- rity. They had already talked about a future together and had the wish to have children later. Claudia also never had any doubt that Tom would stand by her if she became pregnant, although her actual pregnancy was, as Tom remarked, “a shock”. Discovery of Claudia’s pregnancy and reaction from the environment With Claudia, discovering she was pregnant took a dramatic turn. She said: Ok. So it wasn’t so good, that (she laughs) was bad (clears her throat), because I found out while Tom didn’t happen to be here. He was in Greece with some friends, so, I was totally blown away . . . at first, I kept it to myself, which wasn’t so . . . I don’t know (she laughs) . . . good. Then I lost weight and just was kind of automatically . . . I wasn’t doing so well, then I told it to my parents. (Pankratz 1997, 97) Claudia’s clearing her throat and laughing point to considerable inner tension; although she could tell of how terrible the situation was for her, the painful expe- riences from the onset of her pregnancy were once again activated. She spoke of these in detail: So, I got my pregnancy test from the drugstore and took it. At that time I had a summer job – I took the test quickly during a break and looked at it later. Ooh (she laughs) and then right away I told someone – we were three summer interns and the older one looked most trustworthy, so I told her. (Ibid, 98) This woman then gave Claudia a gynecologist’s address to make sure, since the test might also be inaccurate. The gynecologist confirmed the test result, which “didn’t surprise me, since it would be strange if I weren’t pregnant – I didn’t eat much, lost weight until I was 40 kilos or something” (Ibid). Claudia characterized her parents’ reaction to her pregnancy as “terrible. They were totally crushed and . . . didn’t know what they should do now (clears her throat), they wanted actually that I – since I was so young – that I get an abortion” (Ibid). The parents were at first against the pregnancy. Their main argument was that Claudia would ruin her entire life and herself. For Tom, who learned by telephone in Greece that Claudia was pregnant, it was “certainly a shock”. He didn’t tell anyone else, “because first I needed to think about it myself – I didn’t know what I would have said.” In the two weeks that followed, he had “a lot of time to think about it. I thought about what we should do . . . yeah, because I knew that the parents would totally flip out” (Ibid).