Page - 196 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

196 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits Both Tom and Claudia had only telephone contact at a time when they had a strong need for one another; this was particularly difficult for Claudia. Tom told of what happened after his return to Austria: I had a discussion alone with Claudia’s father, man to man. He absolutely wanted that. First he told me his standpoint, that they were advising us to get an abortion because we are so young. In the end, I could convince her parents that we did want the child.” Tom said he convinced them by saying that “if you can fight for your child, so to speak, we also have the right to fight for our child. That’s actually what convinced them and they acknowledged my argument, if that’s what we really wanted and were prepared to do something about it. (Ibid, 99) With this “man -to -man” discussion, Tom was accepted on an equal footing. He was successful in conveying their standpoint. This conversation showed Claudia’s parents that Tom truly stood by her and that the two of them would master this challenge together – which certainly must have calmed the par- ents. Later, they “supported us fully the whole time . . . actually, they supplied us with the basis for what we have now”. Tom and Claudia are able to demon- strate their thanks for the help given by Claudia’s parents. Certainly, Claudia’s earnest effort to study for her final exam along with caring for the baby shows how serious she and Tom are about the baby, and demonstrates that she is using her parents’ help constructively. At school, Claudia receives unexpected support. In the third week of school, she told her supervisory teacher – whom she “feared” – that she was pregnant. This teacher recognized and accepted that Claudia was in an extremely difficult situation and helped her to finish class. He also requested transparency, asking Claudia to tell the entire class that she was pregnant. Yes, that was painful. One day after I had told him – a week or so later – in physics in the physics room he called me in and said – because I wanted to tell my best friends first and then I thought the news would spread anyway. But he said . . . I should go out and tell the class myself. (Ibid, 100) Claudia told everyone, they reacted with “ooh and ah (she laughs) – that was unpleasant, wow, that was disgusting”. After this, she experienced reactions at school as “positive – they were all glad and supported both of us”. Claudia par- ticularly enjoyed her exceptional status, including exemptions from the require- ments for finishing the school year. At school, “everything was super”. She was able to study, and only when she was sick with an inflamed pelvis did it get “so hectic” with school and the hospital.