Page - 218 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

218 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits to control me by calling me up and postponing the session because he had school earlier the next day. When I told him I didn’t have any time, he never showed up at all. In a later session, when I said I could help him to find out whether he wanted to end analysis, he suddenly fell asleep (in order to flee my question, I thought). Before Christmas, he missed many sessions. I learned how significant the influence of my words had been when his mother told me: “For the last six weeks, Mark is a new child. He talks, shows good humor and offers to help at home. He is truly cooperative. He is really not any more our old Mark.” She reported further that everything was going well at school. His main teacher had congratulated them on their son, something they had heard for the first time during his schooling. Even after four years of work with Mark, I still hoped that he could change and would speak with me in the last few weeks. But in this I was disappointed. When he did not change his behavior, did not show up or showed up late, I suggested we make an appointment for the end of his analysis. He seemed sad, but also relieved. We agreed on the end of February. Mark’s mother called me up, and I was surprised when I confirmed this appointment. She asked me if he had changed his behavior in analysis as much as he had at home. He was now eager to communicate, outgoing, spoke a lot – even small talk – as if he wished to make up for everything he had missed. He had even suggested going to the movies with his father. I answered her that Mark brought his problems to the sessions. Mark was able to come to his last two sessions; he looked grown -up and stable, but was pensive and sad. After a period of silence together, I said that he found it important to show me without words that he appreciated being here and having a space and also that he had negative feelings about ending the analysis. Perhaps it was important for him to stick to his decision not to speak in analysis, and he wanted me to accept that. I understood that he wished to traverse one portion of his path together with me but also leave things as they stood now. As we shook hands in parting, he said “Auf Wiedersehen” and looked grateful. Closing remarks Mark left me with uncertainty as to his motives. It was clear that he had signifi- cantly improved in many dimensions. I heard from his mother’s therapist that he had become very independent and had excellent successes in school. He had sum- mer jobs in England and Denmark, had many interests and social contacts. But in the core of his personality he had a problem that he could not change, and he could not change his ill treatment of me. Although he could renovate his behavior toward his parents, siblings and teachers, he remained silent in therapy. It was clear that he heard my interpretations and made use of them. He had interesting questions at school, worked with others and was curious. He improved his verbal expression and was able to explain things well to customers at his job.