Page - 219 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 219 I remained alone with my various assumptions as to his behavior. His improve- ment took place only in the outer world. In analysis, he kept strictly to his mutism and seemed to me to be close to hallucination. John Steiner described the patient’s fear of exposing herself when leaving her place of psychic retreat: “Emerging is felt to result in a loss of this protection and involves contact with anxieties asso- ciated with being exposed and unprotected” (Steiner 2002, 1). In Mark’s case, I assumed that he also believed he could control anyone with his power games, just as his favorite author Stephen King describes. Pathology is sometimes idealized and reinterpreted as a magical power. Precisely observing what Mark showed from moment to moment and projected onto me constituted an important approach towards developing hypotheses on his inner world. Parental difficulties in understanding the psychic problems of their child It was remarkable how long Mark’s parents had not recognized his desperation and his loneliness, covered by arrogance and pseudo -independence. His father thought he was too intelligent and was bored at school, his mother thought he was an “intellectual”, only interested in books and not in people. Only his teachers and his uncle helped to convince the mother of Mark’s urgent need for therapy. With seriously disturbed children, it is often surprising how impenetrable (if unac- knowledged) the parents’ unwillingness is to see their child’s problems. In Magagna’s book The Silent Child (2012), physically healthy children choose various life -threatening forms of retreat, usually surprising their parents. Some stop talking, while others hardly eat or move. In extreme cases, they must be treated in a hospital and force -fed, since they do not wish to live. This massive self -destructive behavior corresponds to a massive denial on the part of the par- ents of the problems between them and their children. “Milo was a normal baby” begins the shocking article Milo’s mother wrote (Magagna 2012, 13ff ). Although the parents had therapy for more than a year in order to change their attitude and behavior with Milo, they speak as if his sickness were merely somatic, the effects of the flu. There is almost no insight, no reflection or understanding, although they describe how their behavior with Milo changed radically. Milo’s retreat began with strong stomachaches that could not be treated by medicine; speaking caused him physical pain. He wished neither to speak nor to walk (Magagna 2012, 13). He shielded his face with his hands. All examinations of his brain and body were negative; the doctors said he had a psychological problem. He was fed through a tube and remained in the hospital for more than a year. His mother viewed the doctors, friends and everyone else as difficult. Milo wanted to have one of his parents with him during his hospital stay. With his illness, he forced his parents in a dramatic fashion to finally, truly notice him. With the help of a therapist, they managed to make contact to Milo and talk about their feelings. They could in no way recognize Milo’s jealousy towards his siblings. The mother asked herself: