Page - 226 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

226 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits During my six -week summer vacation, Chrisse undertook a simple job in her mother’s office; in autumn, she returned to me. She managed to turn up punctually and also travel to school in Vienna in order to remain in the same school yet sleep at home. She had confusing, burdensome dreams, which she related to me. During my summer vacation, she had been left completely alone with these threatening dreams. From the first session after the vacation: Chrisse arrived alone. She had gained weight, weighing approximately 80 kilos now, but wore more suitable clothing and looked more compact than before. She went to the bathroom and asked if she should close the door to the therapy room when she entered. Chrisse: I don’t know where I should begin. A: It is difficult for you to begin after such a long time without therapy. Chrisse: I was in the hospital and saw Dr. T. and told him about my dreams. He said, he wanted to see me alone after his vacation in order to talk about them. A: You say to me that not only I but Dr. T. was on vacation and you were com- pletely alone with your dangerous dreams. Chrisse: I can tell you some of them. . . . I am alone in a canyon with rocks and sand, there are two layers. Children come who are running around and climb- ing on the rocks. I sexually abuse a girl. A: How? Chrisse: The girl is lying on a bed and I take the blanket away and lie down on her. It really wasn’t nice. I’m ashamed, but I thought it was only a dream. A: In the dream you are a perpetrator and victim, it is a confusing world you are caught in. You exploit that: you are victim and perpetrator, like an adult. Chrisse: I had other dreams too, some I wrote down so that I wouldn’t forget them: one of them was about Harry Potter. Do you know Harry Potter? In their bedrooms, they get three prizes for their academic successes – every year he gets better. Then the dream changes and I could fly – a few years ago I had a dream about flying but I couldn’t do it. Now I can really fly, then the others are chasing me and I could find a hiding place. A: In your dream you express that you want to be as good as Harry Potter, you want to improve your learning. You also want to find out what happened with your head when you had the breakdown. With my help, you want to find out the reasons for your breakdown and sort them out. Chrisse: I can manage school. I get up at 4:30, take the bus at 5:20 to Vienna. The teachers are nice, my neighbor Marlies is very nice, I like her, but when she flips out, she gets on my nerves. A: You are relieved that you manage to go to school, something that really is dif- ficult over that distance. (Before the breakdown, she had been at boarding school.) You weren’t sure and now it’s possible. You sit next to a nice girl. Can you give me an example of what you mean by “flip out”? Chrisse: For instance, she asks me if she can hit me.