Page - 240 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

240 Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits Now she told of Vinzenz’s positive development: he had lost weight, had a girl- friend and went on boating trips with her family. In a sort of waking dream, she had imagined that he was on the boat with the girlfriend, whose father pushed Vinzenz into the water, whereupon he drowned. She was terribly worried about him. To my interpretation that behind her worries lay her suppressed aggressive impulses, she answered: “I myself was wondering why I can’t be glad that Vinzenz now has a girlfriend. Can I bear it, that another woman is taking my place? Really, that’s what I wanted – and now it totally bothers me.” Her deep bitterness against her parents could now be addressed: she had never felt accepted by them, was never as smart as her two sisters, had to stick to exact- ing rules. She wanted to be different with her own children: they ought to be allowed to live out her rebellion and her contrary notions. In old photographs, she could see that Vinzenz was completely naked through the age of five. It had impressed her that he was so “animal” and attractive. She was not able to set him limits. Through age three, Vinzenz had been a particularly capable child. Only during her third pregnancy (with Justin) had he become so difficult that she was hardly able to give attention to her other two children. She took Vinzenz from test to test, from doctor to doctor, and embarked on systemic family therapy. Everyone said she was too closely bound to Vinzenz, but she knew better: he just needed her, that was all. At first, he was diagnosed with a perceptual -sensory defect. But then he refused to go to school – she “had to” put his shoes and socks on him, which she continued until he was 17, although it made her feel like his slave. Gradually, it became evident how strongly she identified with Vinzenz. She had been five months old when her mother had become pregnant with the youngest sister. In the session, she was not able to figure out how old she had been – as if she had a mental block or was simply stupid. She was never allowed to exhibit her jealousy of her sister – and thus Vinzenz was meant to assert his “animal” instincts and will without limits, something she had never dared. Emotionally, my patient was stuck at the age of three, although she was very successful in her career and able to care for her family. As could be expected, after the problems with Vinzenz had lessened, her main symptom was redirected to another family member. Immediately, Justin (her youngest son) began to cause problems, locking himself in his room and sitting in front of the computer. He didn’t see his friends, got bad grades in school and had not done any homework since March. Now the patient had a new theme she could speak about at length. It was important to establish a connection between her and her life to the transferential situation to me in our sessions, in order to enable her to have vital experiences. Here is an excerpt from one session: Thursday session in June She paid the bill and noticed that she had not brought enough money. P: I thought I would have enough money, but I gave my husband some money for the gas. I know, money has a great symbolic meaning. I appreciate the work