Page - 257 - in Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Puberty and Adolescence - The Inner Worlds of Teenagers and their Parents

Lost by the wayside – overstepping limits 257 It is very important that people know that there exist such crisis intervention cent- ers to which friends or family members can be directed. A suicidal crisis can also constitute a turning point in life and open new possibilities. There, we attempt to give support where possible, in other words, we have very close contact to these people who come to us. Thoughts of suicide do not necessarily mean that the person is truly in danger of com- mitting suicide. It is often a cry for help and a cry outwards, in order for something to change in life. These are often very important changes that are germinated, so to speak – which is also confirmed by the study on the Golden Gate Bridge, that those are short isolated events and often life can become very positive, so to speak. . . . One can say that the crisis is a low point and also a turning point and often, many things can be changed in a positive direction. (Ibid, 24) Tomandl makes clear that a large percentage of adolescents can learn from their crisis and their mastering it. A crisis is a low point where one can part with old things and new things can be born. We learn something eminently new about ourselves, something we probably have never yet experienced. Every adult who talks with an adolescent about his suicidal crisis can greatly help him. Nobody should be afraid to speak openly with the adolescent and make him understand that his life is still in front of him and he has the possibility to change things, whereas suicide constitutes a definitive end. Help from friends Samira Hadaya asked Tomandl what an adolescent can do in order to help a friend in crisis. Here, his answer: The most important thing is to give the friend attention, be interested, actively ask him questions such as “Hey, you just said you don’t want to live any- more? Tell me what has happened in your life?” Suicidal thoughts do not fall from the sky without any reason, but always have some origin or catalyst, a reason somebody has the feeling their life cannot continue further. One can offer conversation and motivate the person, or consider who else could be a trusted conversational partner for him. If there are too few people, for example as with the client I previously mentioned, one can also motivate her, as in “Hey, I will accompany you to the counseling center for children and adolescents, for instance this one. I will go with you, I’ll show my interest and not let you down.” I think that’s the most important message that we want to hear from our friends when we are in a crisis, that someone is there who is not indifferent to how we are doing. . . . And often, it’s enough for one or